Open Source Redemption - 31 March 2026

Shortly after the events of The SoyDev Redemption, Luke Smith, after having escaped SoyDev Prison, decides to show his gratitude to the Lord and embark on an Orthodox pilgrimage to the Balkans and Eastern Europe. He makes an announcement on his YouTube channel, and after giving his farewells to Kenny and the rest of his friends, he begins his journey.

Over the next 2 years, the liNUX cOmMuNiTy have grown increasingly worried about Luke Smith’s digital absence and lack of communication, with some joking that he must’ve been kidnapped by Albanian gangsters, had his organs harvested by the Russian mafia, or crushed in a collapsed Ukrainian building, etc. Overtime, however, the NEETs of the interweb decided enough was enough, and pleaded with Kenny to go out and find him.

Kenny, confused as to why he was the one obligated to rescue Luke Smith, was told that he “obviously” possessed great athletic strength to hunt down Luke Smith’s kidnappers and rescue him. Kenny, still unconvinced, declined and turned off the computer.

But as the night went on, Kenny was left feeling sick in his stomach. What if, as he lay warm in his bed, Luke was chained up in an Albanian basement being tortured for Monero on the dark web? What if Luke were forced to fight for either Ukraine or Russia? No, no. It can’t be. But what if…he found a nice Greek woman, married her and *gasp* has settled in Europe permanently!? Kenny, a patriotic American, couldn’t allow his fellow burger friend such a fate. The next day, he packed his bags, and, being that he was still on parole and couldn’t leave the country, used his “obvious great athletic strength”, whizzed past US airport security to hop on a plane without a passport or visa.

Upon landing in Madrid, Spain, he was quickly arrested by the more competent Spanish authorities because of his lack of documents. He was interrogated by the Spanish authorities, Kenny, figuring that if he could convince his interrogators of a language barrier, he’d be let go, repeatedly stating “senor, no hablo ingles, soy Mexicano, agua, senor, agua, por favor!” however this made no sense because he was in Spain so if anything, he was demonstrating that there was no language barrier.

The Spanish authorities were less than impressed, and Kenny was charged with being an illegal immigrant and thrown in jail. Shortly after, the Spanish government decided to grant an amnesty to all illegal immigrants living in Spain, and Kenny argued that, as an illegal immigrant himself escaping MAGA country, he should be let go. The Spanish authorities granted Kenny a 1-year residence permit, allowing him to travel across the EU Schengen Area.

After being released, Kenny decided to dress immaculately and travel to Davos, Switzerland, to meet a particular old friend of his and Luke’s. During the train journey, he rehearsed a script as to what to say to this old friend. After identifying Bill Gates in a crowd, he approaches him and asks about Luke Smith’s whereabouts.

Kenny: “*ahem* Greetings, Mr Gates, I have a business proposition for you.”
Bill Gates: “I’m no stranger to that. What is your name?”
Kenny: “The’s name Neth. Kenneth. Hm, yes indeed. Yes, we met before, you recall SoyDev Prison?”
Bill: “Soydev- Hold on- I recognise you!”
Kenny: “Shhh. *ahem* You see, it is in your best interest to inform me of Luke Smith’s whereabouts, or I shall-”
Bill: “GUARDS! GUARDS! IT’S THAT LUNATIC’S FRIEND! GET HIM!”

Kenny, absolutely fuming that Bill interrupted the badass dialogue that he had rehearsed, noticed a waiter walking past him holding a pie, took the pie and pelted Bill in the face and made a dash for it.
Having outrun the guards thanks to his “obvi-” you get the point, he hopped on a departing locomotive, not knowing where the locomotive was headed, decided to put his faith in God, and, tired and exhausted, he fell asleep.

Only to wake up in the morning to the sound of the Azaan, the Islamic call to prayer, he popped his head out and saw the Muslim men in white robes and headscarf-covered Muslim women separating to enter the mosques through gendered entrances, he saw the cats taking shade inside of the halal butcher shops, and stalls bearing delicious fruits and vegetables.

“Istanbul, or as Luke would call it, Constantinople…he must be around here somewhere.”

He approached one of the men to ask for directions, but before he could say anything, he was told, “TURKEY NUMBER 1! TURKEY BEST COUNTRY IN WHOLE WORLD! I AM PROUD TO BE TURKISH!”

“A proud Turkish nationalist?” Kenny says as he scratches his chin, “Never mind, I’m in Berlin.” Kenny asks, “Have you seen a white guy around here?” The Turkish man responds he is white, to which Kenny clarifies he means an actual white guy. The deflated Turkish man responds no, and so a day goes by of Kenny asking Turkish people if they have seen an actual white guy in Berlin with no avail.

Finally, after a day’s worth of asking around, Kenny sat down on a bench. During this time, he contemplated how he was going to find Luke across Europe. He had no information whatsoever. Kenny began to ponder, but it all seemed hopeless. Then, a voice spoke to him.

“Satan has taken your friend, but we can still find him.” Kenny couldn’t believe it. That voice seemed familiar, he looked up and was surprised to find it was Terry Davis, the creator of TempleOS, what was he doing here?! “Nevermind that, go to an internet cafe and download TempleOS, and run that, it’ll be the tool you’ll need.” Kenny thanked Terry, and together they walked into an internet cafe shop, purchased a USB flash drive, and after burning TempleOS onto the USB and running it, Kenny asked Terry what the next step was.
“Play EagleDive, the clue will be there.” Kenny played it, a game where you play as an eagle hunting for fish. “I don’t get it.” Kenny said, “Just keep going.” Kenny continued to play, but he couldn’t get it. “Keep going.” Finally, Kenny gave up, he paused the game and had his head in his hand, “I just don’t get it! It’s hopeless! I will never find Luke.” Then, a Zoomer walks into the cafe, asking the owner for a physical Fortnite giftcard, the owner orders the Zoomer to leave because "here, we play real men game, like Minecraft and Terreria". The Zoomer leaves angrily, accusing the owner of a hate crime.

Kenny, overhearing the conversation but thinking nothing much of it, looked at the screen and saw the 67 score. Kenny realised what was going on, he knew he had to follow the Zoomer. After following him on his way home, they  came to the location 67 SKIBIDI STREET, AMONGUS AVENUE, POSTCODE 42069, the Zoomer, before walking into the building, looked around to see if anyone was following him.

Kenny and terry quickly rushed behind him and followed him to the basement.

“I’m not a programmer! I’m just a guy who uses vim!”

“Eyyo no cap fr fr, you better hack the ban away!”

It was the broccoli-haired prison guards! They had kidnapped Luke because they were still seething over them getting banned from Fortnite.

Kenny walked in, "let him go" he said, the Zoomer guards laughed "eh no cap fr fr, it's just, and like, uh, 1...2..3....4, 4 of us, no, me too, it's 5 of us against you.", despite this, Kenny successfully managed to pull some karate moves and beat them up, freeing Luke Smith.

Luke thanked Kenny. “How did you find me!?” Luke asked, Kenny said it was Terry Davis who helped him, “Where?!” Luke asked, and Kenny looked around, realising Terry was no longer there. They both shared a chuckle, and together as reunited friends, they approached a migrant smuggler to help them cross the Atlantic Ocean into America. The end. Also, the poster was a complete lie.

*credits roll as Goodbye - Adam Young (Owl City) plays*